Barbie Grows Armpit Hair

This poem just makes me laugh. :-D


'Barbie Grows Armpit Hair'
by Ellie Schoenfeld

It was first noted
in the 7th aisle
of the Cash Is Ours toy store
by Madeline who was playing
with the demo model
and asked her mother
why Barbie had a moustache
under her arms.
The ensuing shriek
brought all three managers-on-duty
and an off-duty medic.

It all started with Belinda
who worked the night shift
in the Barbie and Friends
quality control section
of the factory.
She had worked there for years
checking countless heads
for misstamped eyes, crooked lips,
bad hair.
It was also her job
to administer a short verbal quiz
to make sure the Barbies
had right political beliefs
and Mattel family values.
All the subversives and socialists
were sent back.
Until one day
Belinda had been passed over
for yet another promotion
and the foreman asked her
to shorten her breaks
and smile more often.
In her irritated, distracted state
she let one of the feminist Barbies
keep talking and suddenly something
clicked.
Naturally it was only a matter of time
before she let through
Body Hair Barbie
and Menstrual Midge,
complete with tiny pad,
tampon, sea sponge, and ibuprofen accessories.
There was Softball Skipper
Bi-Barbie and Drag Queen Ken.
Some little girls
and some little boys
found their horizons broadened,
their lives irrevocably changed
before Belinda got fired.