Sunday, February 27, 2011
PostSecret
One of my favorite things to do on a Sunday morning is to sip my coffee while reading the new batch of PostSecrets. Sometimes if I'm bad I'll sneak a peak on Saturday night before I go to bed - but I'll read them again in the morning. One of the new secrets answered a question I had this week: do therapists sometimes think its all just bullshit? My therapist is a really great guy, but this week I could sense that he was just tired. There are a lot of commitments on his plate right now - he mentioned many of them during our session. He dispensed sound advice that will help me out, but it seemed like my troubles were a bit bullshit in comparison. He would never say so - we each have our own troubles to deal with and in my world my problems are important - but that day, to him, I couldn't help but wonder if he was thinking that it was all a bunch of drivel. :) I took no offense if he did think so since he still helped me. I actually found this post secret comforting.
Eat, Pray, Love
Thoughts that I jotted down on Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert when I wasn't blogging:
I am usually stubborn when it comes to best selling books. I won’t read them. It’s this odd character quirk of mine: if everyone else is doing it, then I don’t want to. Great example: the Harry Potter books. I refuse to read them still. I know I will like them, they’re probably my type of fiction, but though my friends have pestered me to no end about them, I simply will not. When it came to Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert I didn’t think much of it. It was one of the best sellers that sat facing the front doors of Barnes & Noble and I directed many customers to its shelf. I didn’t really know what it was all about, but everyone was reading it and everyone loved it. In one of my more open-minded moments I decided to read a few pages on my break in the back room. Once I started reading it I couldn’t put it down. I connected with her on many planes. I’m not married, but I have felt my life fall out of my own control. I did not lie on the bathroom floor crying, but I did lie on the floor of my room alone numb with self-medicated alcohol. Elizabeth (my great-grandmother’s name (God rest her soul), and the name of most main characters in my writing) had a journey that was much harder than mine, but through her strength I see hope. I’ve read her book many times. Each time something new jumps out at me. Each time I want to follow her practices to find internal peace. Around the time I read this I was looking into the Sacred Feminine and the idea that we each are internally divine – her book spoke to me on both of those levels. Both of my close girl friends have read it now as well and they also love it.
I found an article on NPR that shows that men too can have a love of this book: Man Enough to Love 'Eat, Pray, Love'. I really enjoyed his take on it.
Thoughts from the movie: While I've never been a big fan of Julia Roberts I had to give her a chance in this movie because of her performance in Mona Lisa Smile, one of my favorites. While the movie had great cinematography - beautiful landscapes, vivid colors, fitting music - the story line couldn't live up to the book. Much of the book comes from an internal perspective that is difficult to portray on the silver screen - the premise for the entire self-discovery voyage was downplayed in the movie and it resulted in the character coming across as selfish and capricious. In reality - or so told in her book - it was a long drawn out internal battle. It was that internal battle that hooked me, that I related to, but that the movie couldn't replicate. So, while it was pretty to watch, I will stick with the book.
I am usually stubborn when it comes to best selling books. I won’t read them. It’s this odd character quirk of mine: if everyone else is doing it, then I don’t want to. Great example: the Harry Potter books. I refuse to read them still. I know I will like them, they’re probably my type of fiction, but though my friends have pestered me to no end about them, I simply will not. When it came to Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert I didn’t think much of it. It was one of the best sellers that sat facing the front doors of Barnes & Noble and I directed many customers to its shelf. I didn’t really know what it was all about, but everyone was reading it and everyone loved it. In one of my more open-minded moments I decided to read a few pages on my break in the back room. Once I started reading it I couldn’t put it down. I connected with her on many planes. I’m not married, but I have felt my life fall out of my own control. I did not lie on the bathroom floor crying, but I did lie on the floor of my room alone numb with self-medicated alcohol. Elizabeth (my great-grandmother’s name (God rest her soul), and the name of most main characters in my writing) had a journey that was much harder than mine, but through her strength I see hope. I’ve read her book many times. Each time something new jumps out at me. Each time I want to follow her practices to find internal peace. Around the time I read this I was looking into the Sacred Feminine and the idea that we each are internally divine – her book spoke to me on both of those levels. Both of my close girl friends have read it now as well and they also love it.
I found an article on NPR that shows that men too can have a love of this book: Man Enough to Love 'Eat, Pray, Love'. I really enjoyed his take on it.
Thoughts from the movie: While I've never been a big fan of Julia Roberts I had to give her a chance in this movie because of her performance in Mona Lisa Smile, one of my favorites. While the movie had great cinematography - beautiful landscapes, vivid colors, fitting music - the story line couldn't live up to the book. Much of the book comes from an internal perspective that is difficult to portray on the silver screen - the premise for the entire self-discovery voyage was downplayed in the movie and it resulted in the character coming across as selfish and capricious. In reality - or so told in her book - it was a long drawn out internal battle. It was that internal battle that hooked me, that I related to, but that the movie couldn't replicate. So, while it was pretty to watch, I will stick with the book.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Root of Anger
Warning!! Religious, semi-rant, contents.
Anger and bitterness are emotions that have in the past entrenched my life - I can't grow as a person if I harbor a deep seeded resentment for someone or something. I managed to work through issues of resentment toward a friend and it was like a weight lifted off of my shoulders. Our friendship is healthier and likely will stand the test of time so long as we both accept one another - which brings me to the issue I've been dealing with for, well, as long as I can remember. My friend is very religious and during college our views parted ways. We never spoke about it, or rather, I never mentioned it, because I was afraid I would lose her. I loved her, in more ways than I should have. We still don't talk about it because I'm still afraid of losing her. I'm afraid she won't accept me anymore - in the beginning of our friendship we were two peas in a pod with similar beliefs and based on that we grew closer. Now I feel like I'm on a separate island, belief-wise, a chasm that can't be breached. My parents, sister, and closest friends (save one) are all with her.
I harbor some residual anger toward Christianity, the religion I was brought up in. It wasn't all bad - I know that I am who I am today because of the influences of the church. I try to be a good person and treat others fairly. I also grew up in the middle of nowhere and led a very sheltered life until the age of 18. By the age of 16 or 17 I was starting to feel at odds with the beliefs set out by the church. I started to feel out of place even though I'd gone to church camp since a young age, I was a part of the youth group and then a life team, I sang in the youth band, I went to the Nightmare House*, and I was a part of a small Human Video** group. There was never an atmosphere in my house that you didn't question God or Christianity - it just never came up. I was slightly zealous in my teenage years and though it may have kept me out of trouble I think it was detrimental in the long run. I tried so hard to be, to do what was necessary to be, a good Christian. When I ascended to heaven God would say, "You've done well, my child." I imagined over and over again what that would be like. I never felt good enough, I always fell short, and I became a master of self-flagellation. Its only in the past few years that I've come to realize how negative I am toward myself.
I guess my anger may stem from the fact that no one told me that religion is subjective. I was raised under the idea that Christianity is the only right way - everyone else is wrong and therefore going to hell. For a long time I wasn't aware of other religions. I was very sheltered and thought that everyone held these beliefs. Once I was finally exposed to a more diverse set of people (thank you college!) and my eyes were fully opened the numbers no longer made sense. There are around 6 billion people on the earth at this very moment and according to my childhood church only a select few would go to heaven - all of the others would go to hell. That alone rubs me the wrong way. A god that would allow that many people to suffer for eternity - that is no god I want to know.
There is a lot more to the twisted path that got me to where I am now including stints with the Feminine Devine, Wicca, Buddhism, and Atheism. The idea that fits me best is Agnostic. I don't believe in god, but I have no way of knowing, no one does, whether or not there is a god. I try to accept others' beliefs, but anger still gets me when people try to tell me that I'm wrong and that their way is the only right way. Anger still sneaks up when people try to console me using religious phrases, "Its okay - God only gives us what we can handle." I don't mind if someone wants to pray for me, its nice of them to think of me. I mind when people try to shove religion, theism or atheism, down my throat. I'm trying to work through that residual anger.
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*'Nightmare' was the local version of a Hell House - a Christian built and run version of a haunted house thats meant to scare you straight into Jesus' arms. Hell House Documentary Description.
**If you've never heard of Human Video NPR just did a story on it: NPR story, "Human videos reenacting christian pop songs for jesus". I was part of a much smaller group than the one shown, and allowed to use props, but I can't believe I was ever a part of such a thing.
Anger and bitterness are emotions that have in the past entrenched my life - I can't grow as a person if I harbor a deep seeded resentment for someone or something. I managed to work through issues of resentment toward a friend and it was like a weight lifted off of my shoulders. Our friendship is healthier and likely will stand the test of time so long as we both accept one another - which brings me to the issue I've been dealing with for, well, as long as I can remember. My friend is very religious and during college our views parted ways. We never spoke about it, or rather, I never mentioned it, because I was afraid I would lose her. I loved her, in more ways than I should have. We still don't talk about it because I'm still afraid of losing her. I'm afraid she won't accept me anymore - in the beginning of our friendship we were two peas in a pod with similar beliefs and based on that we grew closer. Now I feel like I'm on a separate island, belief-wise, a chasm that can't be breached. My parents, sister, and closest friends (save one) are all with her.
I harbor some residual anger toward Christianity, the religion I was brought up in. It wasn't all bad - I know that I am who I am today because of the influences of the church. I try to be a good person and treat others fairly. I also grew up in the middle of nowhere and led a very sheltered life until the age of 18. By the age of 16 or 17 I was starting to feel at odds with the beliefs set out by the church. I started to feel out of place even though I'd gone to church camp since a young age, I was a part of the youth group and then a life team, I sang in the youth band, I went to the Nightmare House*, and I was a part of a small Human Video** group. There was never an atmosphere in my house that you didn't question God or Christianity - it just never came up. I was slightly zealous in my teenage years and though it may have kept me out of trouble I think it was detrimental in the long run. I tried so hard to be, to do what was necessary to be, a good Christian. When I ascended to heaven God would say, "You've done well, my child." I imagined over and over again what that would be like. I never felt good enough, I always fell short, and I became a master of self-flagellation. Its only in the past few years that I've come to realize how negative I am toward myself.
I guess my anger may stem from the fact that no one told me that religion is subjective. I was raised under the idea that Christianity is the only right way - everyone else is wrong and therefore going to hell. For a long time I wasn't aware of other religions. I was very sheltered and thought that everyone held these beliefs. Once I was finally exposed to a more diverse set of people (thank you college!) and my eyes were fully opened the numbers no longer made sense. There are around 6 billion people on the earth at this very moment and according to my childhood church only a select few would go to heaven - all of the others would go to hell. That alone rubs me the wrong way. A god that would allow that many people to suffer for eternity - that is no god I want to know.
There is a lot more to the twisted path that got me to where I am now including stints with the Feminine Devine, Wicca, Buddhism, and Atheism. The idea that fits me best is Agnostic. I don't believe in god, but I have no way of knowing, no one does, whether or not there is a god. I try to accept others' beliefs, but anger still gets me when people try to tell me that I'm wrong and that their way is the only right way. Anger still sneaks up when people try to console me using religious phrases, "Its okay - God only gives us what we can handle." I don't mind if someone wants to pray for me, its nice of them to think of me. I mind when people try to shove religion, theism or atheism, down my throat. I'm trying to work through that residual anger.
 |
| Snapped during a road trip that took us through the bible belt. |
-------------
*'Nightmare' was the local version of a Hell House - a Christian built and run version of a haunted house thats meant to scare you straight into Jesus' arms. Hell House Documentary Description.
**If you've never heard of Human Video NPR just did a story on it: NPR story, "Human videos reenacting christian pop songs for jesus". I was part of a much smaller group than the one shown, and allowed to use props, but I can't believe I was ever a part of such a thing.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Scheduled Break
At the end of a long day full of thesis crises and poorly written Gen Bio lab reports its nice to remember that break I have scheduled for myself in March. I've set myself up at a comfy resort further up north on the lake shore. It will be a weekend of just relaxing with no thesis or teaching paraphernalia in my general vicinity.
Its difficult to decide what to bring - likely various movies to watch, including the BBC version of Pride and Prejudice, or maybe a bunch of books. I may just spend my entire time in the jacuzzi. Water = bliss.
Of course, the fact that I've scheduled this break means that I need to work harder up until that point so that I can actually enjoy the break. I have 28 reports nearly done with 18 to go. Hopefully I will make it through them with my sanity in tact enough to finish a draft of my methods section before Friday.
Off to do more grading.
Its difficult to decide what to bring - likely various movies to watch, including the BBC version of Pride and Prejudice, or maybe a bunch of books. I may just spend my entire time in the jacuzzi. Water = bliss.
Off to do more grading.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Torchwood
And after Doctor Who of course comes Torchwood.
This show gets special love from me because it doesn't shy away from LGBT relationships. It seems that in America those relationships seem more taboo than in Britain. There are shows in the US that have address such love (just discovered 'The L Word'), but everyday shows have less of it than there should be. There are more of us than I think Hollywood and the US would admit to. In Torchwood I particularly love Captain Jack Harkness' relationship with Iano. They are so gorgeous together:
A pity that they decided to end Ianto. There was great potential to expand that relationship. I am looking forward to the Brit/American collaboration on Torchwood: Miracle Day. I heard rumors that they were thinking of having the character of Jack Harkness be completely straight - if they do that I will be very mad and disappointed. I have hope that this will not occur since the contract is with Stars instead of the originally planned Fox. I will have trouble watching the new seasons of Torchwood and Doctor Who since I jumped into the game for both shows after multiple seasons had been made. I love being able to watch long runs of both without having to wait. Now that I've caught up I'm going to have to be like everyone else. :) I will have to watch and re-watch both shows until there are new episodes for me to consume.
Doctor Who
I must profess a deep love of all things Doctor Who. :)
I've been watching this show since I was 5 years old. My mom tells me that I would beg to stay up to finish watching episodes. Now that the new series are on (and I have easy access via Netflix) I've become slightly addicted. Its my lifeline while I attempt to finish my thesis.
I was actually set out to dislike the eleventh incarnation of the Doctor portrayed by Matt Smith- he's the youngest actor so far and he was replacing David Tennant. I admit that the first episodes of season 5 made me love his rendition. I recently came across this by Pu-sama and it made me laugh:
I just love it! It portrays the character of each Doctor so well - as far as I know. The only version of the Doctor that I haven't seen yet are the first and the eighth.
I look up at the stars and sometimes wish that we could meet other forms of life. I think it would unite human kind - would the differences between us be so vast then?
I've been watching this show since I was 5 years old. My mom tells me that I would beg to stay up to finish watching episodes. Now that the new series are on (and I have easy access via Netflix) I've become slightly addicted. Its my lifeline while I attempt to finish my thesis.
I was actually set out to dislike the eleventh incarnation of the Doctor portrayed by Matt Smith- he's the youngest actor so far and he was replacing David Tennant. I admit that the first episodes of season 5 made me love his rendition. I recently came across this by Pu-sama and it made me laugh:
I just love it! It portrays the character of each Doctor so well - as far as I know. The only version of the Doctor that I haven't seen yet are the first and the eighth.
I look up at the stars and sometimes wish that we could meet other forms of life. I think it would unite human kind - would the differences between us be so vast then?
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