Tea

Thank goodness for tea. :)

I've only recently become a lover of tea (past few years).  For a time the only tea I liked was a Vanilla Chai Latte from a local coffee shop - and only that shop.  Since then I've migrated to other teas, almost all black.  Currently I'm sipping an Earl Grey Tea.

A tea break offers a great opportunity to go outside and sit in the sun while I let the tea steep.  It gives me peace of mind.

I found out that the tea pot I had been using to heat my water has begun to rust and fall apart.  I could have purchased another tea pot, but instead decided to get an electric water kettle.  I have it set up on my desk in my bedroom so that I can roll over in the morning and turn it on - more incentive to get my butt out of bed in the morning. :) There is one of these in the kitchenette area here at the school as well.  Huzzah, no more heating my water up in the microwave!

I'm trying to find small things that make me happy for morale purposes.  Coffee and tea are at the top of the list. :)

Existential Crises

This is the wrong time to be having mini-existential crises.  They creep up on me, jump into my consciousness, and tear down my avoidance and denial.  My lack of purpose in my academics now extends into the rest of my life.  I can ignore questions of purpose and avoid the knowledge of death most of the time, but de temps en temps the emptiness of it all finds me.

I know someone who would probably mull this over with me, but I don't know if I can let myself get so close to him again.  He has always been there for me - especially when I'm struggling to find meaning or my place.  It would be nice to just curl up and be held, to know I'm not alone in this fight called life.  However, for now, I'm going to keep pushing the boulder up the hill on my own.

Alela Diane, 'To Begin'
"It's hard oh it's hard to help yourself when you don't know where to begin. It's the devil, it's the boil, it's the black of night in your head".

Company of Thieves, 'Oscar Wilde'
"We are all our own devil - we make this world our hell".

"Ah, mon cher, for anyone who is alone, without God and without a master, the weight of days is dreadful." Albert Camus

Week End

It's already Friday. As usual I feel like I've gotten little done over the week.  My list of accomplishments is dwarfed by the ever growing To-Do list.  I did however manage to take time out of my busy days to watch the season finales of Castle and Bones and I was thrilled by one and somewhat happy with the other.

'The Knockout' aired on Monday and I actually watched it on TV rather than wait for it on Hulu.  I'm glad I did (the only drawback being extended commercial sets).  The first thing I noticed was the darkness (in terms of light) on the set.  It set the stage for the dark plot points to come.

I hadn't expected until that episode that Captain Montgomery might have something to do with the dark and dirty deeds of cops past, but the fact that he did was a good twist in the Beckett story.  I admired his strength and his dedication.  I also admired the loyalty of his precinct.  Ryan and Esposito actually come to blows over the truth that blindsided them both.  We've never seen real conflict between these characters before and I think it lent authenticity to their friendship and partnership.  When Montgomery tells Kate what he is about to do Castle has to drag her away from the scene.  It really is a heartbreaking moment.

The ending where Kate gets shot leaves me with mixed feelings.  We know there is another season coming so she can't be dead.  One viewer suggested that the screen should have gone dark before the gun went off.  This may have been more of a teaser.   I'm not sure how they should have changed it, but I'm interested to see the turmoil that will be in the first episode of season 4.

Another part of this episode that I appreciated was that the Castle-Beckett relationship wasn't the focal point.  It played into the plot, there was an admission of love, but this episode revolved around Kate and her mother's murder.

I wasn't as happy with Bone's 'The Game Changer'.  I enjoyed the Montenegro-Hodgins baby storyline (Michael Staccato Vincent Hodgins).  I wasn't that big of a fan of the undercover operation.  This is something that the Bones writers have done before.  Booth and Brennan have gone undercover as newly weds in Las Vegas and circus performers in the South to catch killers.  This time Booth was a bowler and Brennan his fiancee.  They, as usual when they go undercover, looked ridiculous.  I'm sure this is for comedic effect, but to me it was just more of the same irritations.  I also watched this one on TV rather than Hulu, but I was flipping between channels because there are some things about this show that I can't stand anymore.

The Game Changer was mostly about babies in reality.  The crime solving seemed like a side story.  At the very end Brennan tells Booth that she is pregnant and that it's his.  Yay, happiness all around, no real cliffhanger for the summer.

Comparing the two there is no contest- Castle was fantastic.  It had plot twists, suspense, death, a little but not too much romance, actual character development, and a cliffhanger ending.  I actually would have liked the Bones finale to have been last week's episode.  The intensity of Vincent's death and capture of the sniper would have been more appropriate season finale.

Alright, enough procrastination for this afternoon.  Time to go make some graphs.

Stressed Monday

I don't think I ever fully understood the amount of stress associated with graduate school.

 I heard the horror stories, the aftermath, but it must not have sunk in.  I understand now.  Nothing ever goes the way it was planned - sample collection is insufficient, analysis takes twice as long as expected, samples are compromised, identification of species takes more expertise than originally thought...etc, etc, etc.  I'm on my third year in a two year program and I'm sitting here twiddling my thumbs until I get some data from another researcher.  Okay, I've been writing the parts of my thesis that I can, but I can't do in depth analysis until I get that data.  I might have to be a fourth year student, which is really frustrating.  There are several, almost all, other graduate students in this program take more than two years, but I had planned on being done before I turned 26.  My life is in limbo and I'm not happy about it.

Sad and Wrong

I like finding fun PostSecrets on Sunday mornings, but today I found one that I had to share because it is so sad and wrong.

I don't think it was wrong of Frank to post it.  If this secret is true it has to be killing whomever sent it.  I really can't imagine anyone doing this.  Sure I've seen plenty of shows where a mother kills her infant, but to me it's just tv.  I have a hard enough time with death as it is, the death of an infant is unfathomable and I hope I never encounter it.  I hope the person who sent this can find some semblance of peace.

Finals

Now that finals week is over for my students I'm finally done teaching for the semester.  Woot!

Now comes the other finals...as in season finales of the shows I watch: (**Some Spoilers!**)

Bones Season 6 finale, 'The Game Changer' airs Thursday May 19th.


I have to admit that I stopped watching Bones for awhile because the whole Booth-Brennan will-they-won't-they was getting old (don't get me wrong, it's still getting old), but I rejoined around episode 7 of this season (seriously - dead person in a huge chocolate bar? Who can resist that?).

I just finished the Bones episode from last night on Hulu, "The Hole in the Heart".  After the tears for Mr. Nigel-Murray and the captured bad guy I have to wonder - what the hell are they going to put in the season finale?  Usually I would expect the culmination of the season to be the capture of the baddie...so what are they going to do now?  My guess is the Hodgins-Montenegro baby will be born and there will be some Booth-Brennan storyline.  Maybe the baddie will escape.  Who knows.  I know I'll be tuning in next Friday to watch the finale on Hulu.

Castle Season 3 finale, 'The Knockout' airs Monday May 16th.

I have faithfully stuck with Castle even though it sometimes seems as bad as Bones in the will-they-won't-they schtick.  I came to this show for Nathan Fillion and now I'm staying because of Nathan Fillion and Stana Katic (how could you say no to the combined good looks?)

Seriously smokin'.

From what I can glean from the promos for this season's finale the storyline will revolve around, yes, the will-they-won't-they, but also trying to solve Kate's mother's murder.  They are also hinting at the death of one of the characters.  I vote for no one in Castle's family, not Kate or her friends...wait, that excludes most of the cast.  Damn, well, if they do bump someone off I hope they do it tastefully and logically within the storyline.




I'm off to B&N to buy a book I don't need, but want to read.  I've got to stop going on GoodReads.com because they're constantly telling me about books I will want to read.

Thunder

The weather predictions are saying that a storm is coming.  I hope they're right because it has been way too long since I've heard the clap of thunder.  When I first moved here, after I had moved all of my boxes into my room, I shut the door and fell asleep against the wall amid piles of my belongings.  I closed my eyes with bright sunshine streaming in the windows.  I awoke to an ominous darkness and the beginnings of rain pattering on the tin covering on the other side of the wall.  The wind whipped against the house; I could see the curtains moving though the windows were closed.  Then came the thunder.  It rattled the entire house as if the sky was angry at us for having built it.  It was a glorious storm, one that hasn't quite been replicated in my few years here.

The sky is clouding over and the wind is picking up.  *Crossed fingers*

Monday Discombobulation

It's finals week here at the university and that means I finally have a chance to breathe.  Well, after 10 am today I've finally had a chance to breathe.  This morning I was rudely awoken by the fact that I had overslept and that I had ten minutes to get my rear end into the school to proctor an exam.  I've been trying to recover all day.  The reason I slept in is twofold: 1) I accidentally turned the ringer on my phone off so even though I'd set two alarms, I didn't hear either, and 2) I started the newest Sookie book last night around 9:30 and finally passed out around 2 am after finishing all but 51 pages of it.  I can't tell if the book was so good that I couldn't put it down or if it was my own compulsion to finish it.  The Sookie books are such easy reads that I am unfazed by the triple digit page count - I want to finish them in one sitting.  It only took me around 5 and a half hours to finish the book, but I was rudely interrupted by my biological need to sleep.  I was lucky this morning that I squinted at the clock around 7:30 am or I would have been embarrassingly late.  As it was I was only embarrassingly out of shape.  I ran 3/4th of the way and managed to irritate the lining of my throat, have a minor asthma attack, and have to fight the nausea that accompanied my zero to sixty on little sleep and no food.  It wasn't pleasant, but I do so hate to be late.

So here I am procrastinating again.  I had a pretty productive meeting with my advisor this afternoon even though I spent nearly all of last week grading papers.  Some days I feel like I know what I'm doing when it comes to my thesis.  Some days I feel I have absolutely no clue.  Ricocheting between the two states is frustrating, but today at least I held my own and added substantive ideas/comments.

This weekend was Mother's Day and since I live within driving distance of my parents I decided I had better head home for this holiday.  I'm glad I did.  The weekend was filled with good food all made by my dad.  There was sunshine and warm weather, wild animals and baby kittens.  I broke out the camera and got some fun pictures of my sister and dad when we (my sister and I) were following dad while he puttered around with his plants.  I now have black and white photos of him being a lumberjack and a gardener.

Even though I've been procrastinating I still think today is a justifiable go-home-early day, early being 5pm.  I might start another book or I might watch some more of 'The Mentalist'. :)

Semester End

The end of the semester can get a bit crazy.  Stress wears you down, tempers flare, and all you want is for it to be over.

Yesterday I finished grading my students' final reports.  I uploaded their corrected papers and entered their grades.  Last night around 9:30 pm I got a slightly irate email from a student who was not pleased with their grade.  The email was a bit of a rant really. "I changed so much and I did SO much work!" Thinking that maybe I was a bit harsh on grading I went and checked his paper.  And then I went a bit ape.  

I understand that my class isn't the only one you have.  I understand that the end of the semester gets crazy.  I've been there.  I've been there for 6.5 years- 12 trimesters, and 5 semesters.  I GET IT.  Here is what I don't understand - I spent a lot of time grading all of those papers.  I talked to them about it in class - how to get those points on the last report.  Some of the points my irate student lost were on grammar.  I pointed out what needed to be changed in his first two reports.  I spoke about them in class because many students did the same thing.  I waved my arms emphatically in the air stating I would take off points.  When he didn't change anything in the last report to that effect, I didn't give him any points in that section.  I sent this student his paper again, this time with a step by step explanation of what was expected in each section (basically the same as two documents I had already sent out before they wrote their papers).  I have to say that at least this student wasn't completely irrational.  Once he saw what was expected he admitted that he didn't understand the topic as well as he had thought.

One irate student down, who knows how many to come.  They have their lab exam tomorrow and I know I will be helping some of them with the questions (they get them ahead of time) during my office hours today.

Knowing that I wasn't always the most awesome student myself during college I want to thank those students who came in for help, who turned things in on time, who asked pertinent questions (or hell, just asked anything to do with the general area of our current topic), who kept up on the class lectures, and made lab more enjoyable.  I don't mind nosy students, I don't mind quiet students, rambunctious students, goofy students, serious students, or the I-could-care-less students.  I mind when you don't do the work then expect me to pat you on top of the head and give you a gold star (aka an A).

I'm procrastinating again.  I've gotten very good at it.  I've also gotten very good at freaking out. :)  My lease is up in 3 months, my job ends this month, and I can't get a job in my field until I get my degree.  I can't get my degree until I finish my paper and I can't finish my paper until I can do some sound analysis, which I can't do until I have the Cesium-137 dating back.  See how I can spiral? I'm trying to nip this in the butt by doing important parts that need to be done, but don't need statistical analysis or interpretation, like my methods section! Woo!

This was me in 2007 with piles of sources on the lab bench the day my honors project was due.  I'm hoping I can finish this time without killing myself.