Existential Crises

This is the wrong time to be having mini-existential crises.  They creep up on me, jump into my consciousness, and tear down my avoidance and denial.  My lack of purpose in my academics now extends into the rest of my life.  I can ignore questions of purpose and avoid the knowledge of death most of the time, but de temps en temps the emptiness of it all finds me.

I know someone who would probably mull this over with me, but I don't know if I can let myself get so close to him again.  He has always been there for me - especially when I'm struggling to find meaning or my place.  It would be nice to just curl up and be held, to know I'm not alone in this fight called life.  However, for now, I'm going to keep pushing the boulder up the hill on my own.

Alela Diane, 'To Begin'
"It's hard oh it's hard to help yourself when you don't know where to begin. It's the devil, it's the boil, it's the black of night in your head".

Company of Thieves, 'Oscar Wilde'
"We are all our own devil - we make this world our hell".

"Ah, mon cher, for anyone who is alone, without God and without a master, the weight of days is dreadful." Albert Camus